Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
