I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
