that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
