I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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