Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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