WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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