She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
