I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
