i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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