Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
