Well apparently he's into motor boating.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
