I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
