omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
