Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
do herpes really smell.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
