Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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