just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i drank out of a bidet.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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