I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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