I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
