why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
