So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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