they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
