found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
