Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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