Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
