apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
