my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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