well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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