you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
