belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
