My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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