honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
