he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
