my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
