Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
