I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
