I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
