We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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