I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I FOUND THE LEGS
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
