Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
