someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
