i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
