I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
