So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
