I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't deserve a penis
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
