I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
