Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
