Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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