no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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