The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
