now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
