wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
