The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
